Ready, set, barbeque! No, no, no! You can't just start barbequeing. You have to plan it carefully. This won't take long, you will only need a week, although two would be better. Now I'm not talking about throwing a couple of steaks on the grill for dinner. I mean a real barbeque where you have family and friends over, even a couple you don't like. This is about grilling, drinks, games and music. This is a backyard full of screaming kids (and probably your brother or sister-in-law) falling over each other and spilling kool-aid on the deck you just pressure washed.

So where do you start? First you have to select a good day, preferably a Saturday, to hold the event. By holding it on a Saturday, you give yourself all day Sunday to clean up. Once the date is selected, take a nap. Yep, you have to be well rested for the rest of this. While you are napping, have your significant other, prepare the list of attendees. I know! She's going to invite someone you would rather not see. Well it's going to happen anyway, so you may as well just get it over and avoid the battle which will surely ensue if you make the list yourself. Always be sure that the neighbors within 100 feet are invited whether you think they'll come or not. If they were invited but decided not to attend, they will probably be less inclined to complain about the noise.

Once you are refreshed, grab a drink and sit down for the planning of the meal. In order to do this correctly, you'll need the list of attendees. The number of burgers, hot dogs and chicken pieces should be as follows: number of hot dogs equals the number of kids over four, multiplied by two; hamburgers equal the number of adults, minus one third, times three; chicken pieces are equal to the one third you subtracted for the hamburgers, multiplied by two if they are breast or thigh pieces and four for legs and wings. Steaks should only be considered for groups of 10 or less or in a case where you foolishly invited your boss.

Plastic ware, paper plates and Styrofoam cups should be in abundance. You can always save them for later if you have too many. However, if you come up short, I guarantee someone is going to go into the house to get a plate or glass. Once they are seen, others will do the same. Sooner or later one of the guests are going to break something. Besides that, there will now be dishes to wash and guess who's going to get stuck with that?

Salads and sweets should be left to your better half who can ask the attendees to bring something. Snacks, on the other hand, are your responsibility since they are directly related to a barbeque by way of the hamburgers and hot dogs. So go with the basics and you'll be OK. Some pretzels, potato chips, cheese curls and corn chips, along with a couple of specially selected salsa and bean dips should do the trick.

Drinks should be carefully selected to please everyone except that loud mouth neighbor. Be sure NOT to buy what you know he likes. That way he'll get fed up and leave early. Stick to kool-aid and soda for the kids and make sure there is some diet stuff for the ladies. The guys will drink beer, period. No hard stuff, it just complicates things trying to figure out what every likes, not to mention all the mixes you would have to get as well.

Everyone has a radio or boom-box, along with a horse shoes game and badminton. So there is no need to go out and buy new stuff, except for a whiffle ball and bat for the kids. If it's the 4th of July, you'll have to get some simple fireworks that won't shoot over to your neighbors pool.

Other than that you should be good to go. We both know that all Americans have a grill and keep charcoal and lighter fluid on hand, so no need to mention that. Right?

If you need some additional ideas for preparing your BBQ, go to www.BBQ.TellMeAboutThat.com. You'll find some articles and recipes as well as some gear and gadgets for later events. So there you go, have fun and let me know how it turns out.