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By Chris Sargentelli

Facebook Friends

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Whenever my friend is having a party I always show up late. I just don't want to be the first one there. I like to wait and let the party settle in before I show up. At every party you have different kind of party friends. You have the "Lightweight" who is passed out by the time you show up. "The Klutz", this person can spill your beer from across the room. There is the "Couch Potato", "Mr. I have to Drive Tonight", "The Meathead", the list goes on. Me, well I'm the "Late Guy".

So I was thinking Facebook...No difference. You have a group of friends all in the one place, doing a bunch of annoying things, but you are having a great time! I know what your thinking, "at a party there is alcohol". Well with Facebook, there is the Internet. The Internet is the "alcohol" at this Facebook party, and at this Facebook party you have different kind of friends. So here is a list of different types of Facebook friends.

The Overzealous Updater - This is the friend who can't go a half an hour without sharing what's on his mind. Honestly I really want to know about how you burnt your Hot Pocket, I don't need to know that you've just had your second shower of the day. For that matter, I didn't need to hear about the first one either.

The Linker - This is the friend who does nothing but share links all day. Links to articles he's read that he thinks the whole world should be reading, links to movie reviews, links to new games coming on the market, links to his Twitter page where he's gone and posted 10 more links. Links to his links to links!! There needs to be a limit. Some links are good; especially when it's some funny you tube video of a guy getting hit in the crouch with a football.

The Groupie - This is the friend who jumps on more band wagons then a New York Yankees fan when they start winning again. They join every group that comes their way. "The I like to cut my crust of my sandwich group" REALLY?!

I Am My Kids - This friend only uses Facebook to post photos of their kids, or updates that read: "Tommy didn't feel well today, so he stayed home from school." Hey don't care so shut up! Might as well not even have your own profile; just create one for the kid.

Spies - This is the Ex-girlfriend or boyfriend who only friends you so" he or she" can spy on you and make sure you have fewer friends then "he or she" has, and that your new significant other is less attractive than "he or she" was. I know it's complicated.

The Wanna-Be - This is the person who friends someone with the great hope of becoming friends with that person in real life. Just because Ryan Seacrest is you friend on Facebook dose not mean he will call you later to get some drinks.

The Two-facer - This friend will accept your friend request just to be polite, but then hides your updates immediately. Unfortunately, you have no idea who the two-facers are.

The Networker - This is the friend whose sole purpose on Facebook is to build a list he can tap when he needs a job. You know these friends because they only message you with e-mails that read "So you still over at Stop and Shop?"

The OverPoker - No need to explain this one. You know who you are!!

The Attention Seeker - This is the friend who posts status updates that are purposely vague, and therefore beg for a comment. Their status is all about getting you to respond, getting attention, getting sympathy, leaving you wanting more. "Lori is scared, but hopes everything works out..." What? What happen? Son of a...!

The Lyricist - Will not post anything except song lyrics. This does not make you cool. In fact you are now less cool.

The Good Friend - This is the friend who doesn't fit in any of the above categories and is, hopefully, just one of many normal, average facebookers you've friended. Let's hear it for the Good Friend!

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Tags: Facebook Couch Potato football New Yo

Word Count Appx. : 704 | Article Views 1461 Published 03-11-2009


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