Flirting is an important part of communication in every species. Animals and birds all have their flirting routines, and humans are no different, except in that we tend to think too much! In thinking too much, we take our eye off the main goal and zone in on our worries and perceived inadequacies instead.

Have you watched the movie "Hitch"? Will Smith plays the part of a dating guru who gets guys to "get past go" with the girls of their dreams. He spends a lot of time telling these men to believe in themselves, to believe that they are worth something and that they have value of their own. The message is clear; realize your own worth. It's not what you say; it's what you convey.

Birds and other animals don't worry if their beak is too short nor if they are carrying a few extra pounds now, do they? They don't spend hours agonizing about what to say or how to say it. They just watch and feel and do. And in many ways this is what we humans should learn to do as well. In flirting it is important to get back to basics.

The basic key to communication is to listen well. If you are listening then you will know how to respond. If instead of listening you are thinking about your next phrase or "chat up line" you will miss what has been said and there will be a complete halt in communication. Conversation will just shrivel and die, unless you learn to listen.

The funny thing is that in tuning your attention in upon what the object of your desires is saying you automatically take your mind off of your worries and fears and you automatically feel a whole lot more comfortable. You don't have to be something that you are not; you need to be your authentic self, the real you. You don't want to only see a mask covering the faces of the people who you meet and the same applies in reverse.

Flirting is not about pretending; flirting is about being you, and the best way in which to do this is to pay attention and to listen to what the other person is saying. Confidence is a basic necessity for success in everything in life, be it hitting a golf ball, making a speech, or building a business. But flirting is an exercise in which ones level of confidence is highlighted probably more so than in anything else. Being comfortable and confident in yourself lies beneath the ability to flirt well.

Only a very small percentage of communication comes from the actually words which you utter, There's little point in practicing your lines over and over again if they are not delivered in the right way. In reality, if your delivery is good in terms of body language and tonality, it doesn't particularly matter what words you actually use. Again, we need to get back to basics and focus more upon body language and tonality than upon the minor details of individual words and phrases.

Being comfortable in your own skin and feeling confidence within is at the root of good flirting and avoiding those dreaded cringe worthy moments.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis confidence downloads to help you flirt well and to create good relationships.